Monday, May 6, 2013

I Can't Make Me Love Me (but I should)

As I began this journey again in January, I had a renewed sense of hope.  I decided not to base this on resolutions, like every one else was scrambling to do.  I wanted this to be my decision and my decision alone, not one that I made because a holiday dictated it.

Now, in my fourth month of trying to lose weight, I find that I am losing that sense of hope.  I know that I can find it within me, however, I find obstacles in other areas of my life that seem to slow me down.

Where I'm not slowing down is in exercising.  I'm continuing to do that, whether I am walking the treadmill or riding the recumbent bike or marching all over town (at some point this weekend, I actually marched because I spent some time with a little friend and well, it was mandatory that we all did).

What I'm not consistent with is tracking.  You must have heard some weight loss guru say that it's important to write down every morsel you take in.  I used to be very good with this.  I was so good, in fact, that I was obsessed with it and I ended up stopping because it was consuming my life.  This time, I started out really well with it and one day, when work was especially stressful, I did not track.  That put me on a downhill spiral.  Each day, I would promise myself that I would track my meals, but for some reason, I would "conveniently" forget to do it.  Once this was happening for several weeks, I'd effectively created a habit and I was done with it.  Now, you say, how can not tracking be a habit?  If you are not doing something, how does it become routine?  Well, I can speak for myself, but I can bet you that many people find ways not to do something they normally consider routine and once they stop, they are comfortable with their new habit of not doing it.

This, of course, scares me a little.  If I can create a way to not do something as simple as logging into the WW site and tracking my meals, I can probably do the same with many other things.  Will I stop exercising?  [Maybe] What if I stop making the bed?  Will I refuse to wash dishes?   The answer to the last two is probably not because even at my age, my mother is still in my head scolding me for things she doesn't even know I'm not doing.  Confused?  I am.

Okay, so really the answer is that I need to get back to tracking.  I have to start making it a habit again.  I really want to succeed at this, mainly because I like to have good health.  The secondary thing is that I want to look good (okay, maybe that's up there with health, but I don't want to sound selfish).

I took a step this week that I can't elaborate on, but I can tell you it was something that was pursued after I spoke to someone about staying in touch.  I knew if I did this, it would make me feel good.  So, the plan for me has to be that I get back on the tracking, er, track.  I know if I make it through at least one week, that can turn into two and soon it will be four weeks, where my habit will be on the positive side again.

What do you do when you fall off track?  How do you fix broken routines.  Hit the comments and let me know.  In the meantime, you can find me tracking. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh god, does this hit home. Because I feel this way all the time about the many things I let slide. Exercise I'm pretty good with, because I never totally quit, but diet, tracking and (most important to me) writing, I can fall off the wagon very easily. Eventually I hit a threshold and start taking positive steps to get back to whichever positive behavior I've been slacking on. That's where I am now with writing. And post-vacation, that's where I am with diet and tracking: JUST starting again. No answers except having systems in place to stay accountable.