Staying on Track

I'm really proud of myself; I'm down 5.4 lbs in just 3 weeks.  You might think, "Why wouldn't she be proud of herself?  That's a great accomplishment!"

If you're reading the blog, you know that I've done Weight Watchers before and lost 52 lbs. in 8 months.  I was so proud of myself then.  I even kept it off for a year.  So, what went wrong?  Pretty much everything.  While I was patting myself on the back for the weight loss, I found out that I had a tumor on my adrenal gland.  The tumor was not malignant, however, it was causing me a lot of pain and stress.  You would think that the doctor would want to take that puppy out right away.  But, of course not.  Even though he was 95% sure this tumor was a, get this, pheochromacytoma (say that ten times fast), he needed to do a myriad of tests to be completely sure.  I was hoping the tests would show he was completely wrong, because, to be honest, I did not plan for having holes cut in my abdomen any time at all.  Sadly, he was not wrong, and the surgery was scheduled.  Due to all the stress, I gained about 15 lbs. back prior to the surgery.  Because the tumor was affecting my blood pressure and the amount of adrenalin I produced, the doctor was on me to lose that weight.  I could not do it.  In fact, I became a stress eater, even after knowing I was going to be completely okay.

Most people think stress eating is not even a real thing.  It is.  Sometimes you don't even know you are overeating because of stress.  For me, most of the time I did, but I didn't care.  I could not get myself to a place where I wanted to be completely better.  How sad is that?  

They (whoever they are) always say that in order to make a change in your life, you need to want it.  No smoker is going to quit unless they really want to.  I know this to be true, because I watched my father try to quit numerous times.  He even went back to smoking after having cancer and 2 heart attacks.  It's what ultimately did him in, but not before riddling his whole body with tumors.  I think about that all the time, but until now it didn't faze me enough to want to change.

Now, I want it more than ever.  I suppose it is because I am reaching the end of my 40s (not that soon, nosy!) and I want to make the rest of my life a healthful one.  

So, how can we plan for this?  Truthfully, there is no concrete plan, but you have to do what is best for you.  For me, it is being back on Weight Watchers and attending meetings.  I personally need that kind of support.  In my last try at this, I was secretly angry at people who were on the program but only had a little to lose.  Now I know I should not have been judging them.  They obviously were there because they thought they needed to lose their weight.  I know now it isn't about numbers.  It always has to be about how you feel.  Of course, you won't feel good unless you find something that works for you and for me this is it.

Find your own plan.  Again, I'm writing about weight loss, but if there is something else you need tyo change in your life (maybe you smoke too much) try creating a plan for yourself and track your progress.  For me, tracking is key, but it isn't the end all be all of the plan.  I just want to feel better and I know that following this plan is going to work.  I believe.